Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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