He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
