Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Little spoons don't ask big questions
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
