Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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