cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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