Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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