Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
