the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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