The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
