hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
