I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
