But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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