my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
