I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
this hospital has no fireball
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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