Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
