i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
