areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
