Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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