Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
