I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
