He passed out mid-signature
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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