good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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