dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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