How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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