Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
