Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love having hate sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
