Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
