on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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