I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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