I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
