he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
