how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
