I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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