It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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