It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
