im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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