i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
