mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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