My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
