I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
