there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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