There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
