Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
