Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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