Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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