They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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