..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
