he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
