i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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