Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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