can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
