Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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