Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
