We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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