So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
