I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
