dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
