I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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