i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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