The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
