While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
