I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
