Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
