Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
