A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
