why didn't you poke me back
how can u be prego again
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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