Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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